Is our value based on how others feel about us?

Children born where abortion is legal KNOW they are wanted. I blinked twice. Was she really going there? The others just have to hope their existence was not created by rape, dictated by religious laws, and complicated by lack of funds or medical care. Yes, she was. Reading the Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada’s Facebook page is never a good time, but this has to be one of the worst pro-choice arguments I’ve ever found there—and that’s saying a lot.

What exactly is this pro-choice commenter saying? Abortion should be legal so that children know that their parents wanted them. She should have just said: We should be allowed to kill children so that the children that are left can feel good about themselves. Of course, ARCC’s executive director Joyce Arthur commented underneath, wholeheartedly agreeing with the sentiment.

Someone needs to make something clear to these women. We are not valuable because of how other people feel about us. I’ve often looked at the people in my life and felt a profound sense of gratitude. I couldn’t be married to a better man. My parents are incredible, each of my four siblings add something special to my life, and three of them have married equally wonderful people. My niece and nephew, of course, are perfect. Without even mentioning the many members of my extended family or our friends, my heart is already so full. I know that I am loved. I know that I am valued. And yet, I know that I am no more valuable than the wife who is disowned by her family and beaten by her husband.

It’s so simple, really. I want to believe that if the woman commenting on ARCC’s page thought about it, she would agree too. I think the last thing on anyones mind when they go to visit their family’s newest arrival is: “Oh good, they’re always going to know that they are wanted and loved because their parents didn’t kill them.” My niece and nephew will always know that they are loved because they will see our faces light up when we see them. They will feel it in our tight hugs and frequent kisses. They will hear it in the stories of the joy we felt when we first heard that they existed. They will know that they are loved because every member of our family will make sure that it’s impossible for them to feel otherwise.

And yet, they will know that they are not better than the child in China, who was left in a busy subway station. They will know that they are not more valuable than the child in Romania, who lies in a metal crib with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling. They will know that they are not better just because of what they were blessed with.

The fact that children are born through the horrific act of sexual assault does not make them worthy of death. The fact that a mother wanted an abortion does not negate the fact that the child is a human being with human rights, just like the rest of us. If a child is not wanted, it says nothing about the child and everything about the people he or she is surrounded with. The problem is not with the child. The solution is not ending the child’s life.

It’s a horrible thought, that I should feel better about myself knowing that my parents choose to give birth to me, even while it was legal for them to abort me. What it should do is break our hearts for the children who feel unwanted, and renew our determination to make our society a more loving, safer place for everyone.